Well another fruitless Christmas has been and gone, what a horrible horrible Christmas, having to smile and pretend that I am having a great time.
My poor husband, I really dont know how he sticks with me, I seem so ungrateful for all he does for me, he spent a small fortune on presents for me and I am still a grumpy miserable cow.
All I want to do is cry and all I do is day dream about being pregnant or holding my very own baby, with friends having babies or announcing pregnancies I have to keep smiling and showing how delighted I am for them.
I dont begrudge them but just hate not having a baby of our own.
I feel so lonely and cant talk about it cause I know everyone is sick of hearing about our problems.
My husband is on a major journey of his own at the moment and I feel I am distracting him from this with my ranting and raving, bawling in self pity etc...
I am crying at any little emotional thing on tv, the sickly butterflies well up in my stomach and a feeling of choking in my throat. I hate feeling like this but I really cannot face another Christmas like this.
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