Inside I am breaking decibel levels..

that even a dog could not tolerate.
I just want to scream but I have to hold my composure.

Looks like our treatment if it goes ahead at all will be delayed again by another few months.

So waiting now to find out if funding is there or not.

I hate my life right now

Social Media "share" status' and pics are getting to me

You know the ones, share if you are a Mom etc...
Here's an example

or

Well my facebook homepage is constantly showing me these pictures, sayings etc...  constantly reminding me of how I am failing in achieving a status of motherhood.

"My children are the reason I wake up each morning, The Reason I Want To Breath ... And The Reason My hair is falling out, My house is a mess & I'm Crazy!" (Anon, 2012).
Today I am seriously not able for these status', and of course I know if we do ever get this elusive pregnancy with hopefully a baby at the end I will be just as bad but for now... for now I cant take it.

I would love to start posting pics of how hard it is to try and conceive with everyone shoving their pregnancies or babies in my face on there everyday but I dunno how my husband would feel about it, how I may segregate myself from family and friends.

Lets see over the next few days if I can muster the courage to even post the picture from yesterday's blog, that might be a start?

Wish I had the BALLS to wear this...

It would stop those questions I get regularly;
"So do you have kids yourself?"

I don't think I would though cause I guess I am a whimp that way LOL

picture courtesy of:
http://www.cafepress.co.uk/mf/29224865/no-kids-yet-ttc_tshirt

I thought this one was funny too but I dont think my husband would appreciate it, its a lot of pressure having it said out like that lol...

A Year today we lost our beloved Becky

She was the Best dog ever.
She had such a character, so loving, so gentle with children just an all round great dog.

She passed from a quick agressive leukemia.
I am so glad I got some last shots of her that morning before she left us.
Hard to believe from the pictures she was only 9

She lost so much weight so fast.
Sleep tight my sweet angel.

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth
It is called Rainbow Bridge because of its colors
Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of
meadows , hills and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes... to this place
There is always food and water and warm spring weather
The old and frail animals are young again. Those who
Are maimed are made whole. They play together all day.
There is only one thing missing, they are not with
their special person who loved them on earth.
Each day they run and play until the day comes
When one suddenly stops playing and looks up !
The nose twitches! The ears are up! The eyes are staring!
And this one suddenly runs from the group.
You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet
You take him or her in your arms and embrace
Your face is kissed again and again and you look once
more into the eyes of your trusting friend.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together,
Never again to be separated.

So its summer (pfffts to oneself) so time is going fast

So I need to focus more on getting ready for fertility treatment later in the year (if all goes well).

I have been told on my last 21 day blood that my progesterone levels were a little low, not enough to be worried about that it can be managed.
Now too much information perhaps but: my cycles have been all over the place since I was told this where I could have a very short cycle or a bit longer than what had been the norm.
Someone suggested that they have been shorter because of this low progesterone level.
I have managed to bag myself 3 gel packs from someone giving them away on a forum that I am considering using in the next 3 cycles of the summer.

What I might do then is ask my local gp to do the 21 day bloods again when I use them to see if they actually help the levels. That way I will know when the treatment comes round that the gels will be enough or if I will need the injections.

I am now trawling sites for the cheapest ovulation testing strips/tests and a new digital basal thermometer.

Wish me luck!

The Summer Break so Far...

Well the dogs have been on great walks, Molly has taken a figari to the halti but cant see why, she is just so stubborn, need to change up the walking regime.
Once I turn a certain direction in our estate and they know we are heading towards the river... The pulling and high pitched They sound like little dogs yapping, if you know what I mean. Not insulting the smallies.
Molly has made friends now with 3 more dogs, which I am delighted for because because of no fault of her own or my own she has spent much of her first year of life in Quarantine due to the parvo and going into heat a bit early.
I have been doing my best to get out  but have had a great few days of feeling sorry for myself and throwing myself onto the couch or staying up late and staying in bed late in the mornings. This needs to change.
I am down to 200lbs now for which I am delighted. The stop smoking campaign is up and down but in the right direction. The nicotine gum's are not really suiting me but I will keep plugging away.
Loads more to do before the end of the summer.